Monday, 3 February 2014

The Rollercoaster Ride

Of Emotions

I have been up and down, positive one minute, tearful the next.

Dad is fighting all the way.

We had prepared ourselves and all said our goodbyes.

The Doctor had done some tests and diagnosed a condition that is common with Parkinsons patients at the end. He has excessive protein in his system , which causes rapid dementia and then loss of the will to live.

He was ( and still is ) unable to string an audible and sensible sentence together, but has gone from not eating and drinking to polishing off a whole roast and tea and cake!

He has confused the medical staff once again with his sturdy spirit and his unquenchable thirst for life. I am not sure I could fight so hard if I was so sick.

They are now saying he may have had a stroke instead and are uncertain of the prognosis.

I am not sure how to feel - I know he is failing. I am prepared for him to go. In some ways I grieved for my "Dad" years ago when he disappeared into this illness, but it is still so, so hard to let go of the physical presence of someone who has always been there.....

It is a waiting game. How long will he fight on - I don't know.

I spend what time I can with him. It will never be enough, but life goes on. We have all been sick. I am on two weeks of antibiotics for an infection. My son is as well, for a nasty flu type bug that had him hallucinating 3 nights in a row.

Sleep? Do I remember you?

Thank you so, so much for the kind comments and e.mails - they mean more than you know. 

I am missing my space here so will dip in and out as time allows. 

Cherish those you love - and always be careful with your goodbyes.



  1. It's lovely to hear that your father seems to be possibly rallying a little. It is a difficult time when a parent is ill and all you can do is cope as best you can, which you seem to be doing inspite of you all feeling unwell. I hope you are all feeling better soon and able to get back to some normality.

  2. Thinking of you at this difficult time honey. Take good care of yourself xx

  3. I know exactly where you are at this moment. My Dad had Parkinson's and Alzheimer's. I too grieved when his illness seemed to take him from me. And the ups and downs, the moments thinking that this was it, and the rallying back. Heart wrenching. The oddest, yet most profound moments were when I really knew that he was leaving. It was as though the previous confused years melted away, he was at his most lucid, and I very nearly had no memory of his being ill. Take good care my friend!

  4. Been thinking about you Claire - good to hear that your dad is fighting. You must be so exhausted. Take care and look after yourself won't you xx

  5. Sending lots of love to you and your family, take care xx

  6. My thoughts are with you and yours Claire. As hard as it is take one day at a time x

  7. I've walked in your shoes, except in my case it was my mother, so I know just how exhausting, emotional, difficult and sad this time is. I'm thinking of you ... hang in there! Sending love and best wishes for you all xx

  8. Sending you lots of hugs . My mother was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's such a cruel disease

  9. Oh Claire - what a tough time for you and your family. You're in my thoughts and prayers every day. xx

  10. Love and light. I'm continuously sending you both. Take care of your self, too. XX